The Unknown

I have a son that is now almost seven years old. His name is Matthew Easton Bogue. He has been the joy of my life and still is since May 30th, 2004. My husband, Brad, and I had been trying to have a baby for about a year when we got pregnant. Unfortunately I lost that baby at 10 weeks, but gratefully we were able to get pregnant again before even my next cycle came around, hence Easton was conceived. For about two years we decided to wait to try for another baby. Money, job, time, amongst other things made us wait. Then we finally started trying again. I got pregnant within four months. You can imagine our surprise. All was going well. We got to see the baby's heartbeat at 7 weeks along, and he/she was measuring perfect. Then a nightmare happened again. At 13 weeks I lost that baby too. We waited a few months until we were strong enough to try again. When we started trying the months kept passing and passing with no positive test. Finally I went to a new doctor and he put me on some medicine to help with my insulin resistance. After 8 months more and still no baby he put me on Clomid (a low grade fertility pill). It took five rounds of this for us to conceive. We were so thrilled yet terrified at the same time. We got to see her heartbeat at 6w5d and it was beating a strong 95 beats per minute. Then again at 7w5d and again at 8w4d. The doctor put me on progesterone hormone suppositories because mine was a little low. Then at 11 weeks I started bleeding bad. I just knew it was the nightmare all over again. I went on to the emergency room even though I knew there would be nothing they could do to stop a miscarriage. Still I wanted piece of mind or confirmation of horror so off I went. They took me into the sonogram room and squirted my abdomen with that cold jelly stuff. When the ultrasound tech put the device on my tummy and I saw that my baby still had a heartbeat I started shaking with happiness. Tears ran down my face. We finally was told that the progesterone suppositories had probably irritated my cervix causing it to bleed. After that my pregnancy went pretty well. No more major obstacles. We found out we were having a girl when I was just 15w4d along. I pretty much already knew that in my heart. I knew somehow Easton was a boy. She kept growing and doing fine the whole time. Nothing was ever on the ultrasound that anything could have been wrong, and my doctor did an ultrasound at every visit because he says they are just as fast as doing it the other way that other doctors do and they show so much more. He really is a great doctor. Then at 34 weeks I realized one day that baby girl, named Alyssa by then, wasn't moving as much as she should have been. It was a Sunday when I noticed it. So I gave it through Monday and by Tuesday movement was minimal so I called the doctor. The nurse told me to drink something sugery and lay down on my left side. So I did and Alyssa moved a bit. Still not much but I had an appointment the next morning anyway. So I went in and sure enough some how all my amniotic fluid was nearly gone. Alyssa was in distress. Now when I think back to that I wish I had went on in earlier. I had to have a C-Section on April 21st, 2010 and Alyssa Josephine Bogue, weighing 5lbs3ozs, 5w4d early, came into the world. She was beautiful, but then again what parent doesn't think that. Every baby is beautiful, I am just partial. She was breathing on her own and never had to be put on a ventilator or be given oxygen after birth. However, she wasn't sucking her bottles right. The nursery and the pediatricians threw that up to her being before 36 weeks gestation. So we went with that. Then she wasn't maintaining her body temperature. Again they said it was because she was early. To top it all off she acquired jaundice and had to be put under the billi lights for about two days. Through it all Alyssa was a trooper. She is a survivor and she is such a strong, little girl. She was in the hospital for nine days. Then after she came home we still had weekly doc visits because she was gaining weight very quickly. It would take us an hour and a half to two hours to get her to eat 2oz of formula. She just wasn't getting it down. She would quit sucking after a few minutes and just fall asleep. She couldn't hold her eyes open. We had to set a clock and make sure we fed her every two to three hours because she would get hungry or wake up hungry. This went on for three weeks. Then at her doctors appointment the third week, still not weighing even six pounds yet, her pediatrician said her head was growing faster than her body and to be on the safe side he wanted to get a CT scan done on her. So we were set up for the next morning. We never imagined that something would be wrong. Actually we didn't even know what to expect. I didn't even know what might be wrong at that time.  So we in and had the scan done at 11 am. We left the hospital and went down the road to grab a bite to eat being told that it would later on that evening before we found out the results. We got sat down at our table and Brad's phone rang. It was the pediatrician telling us to go by the hospital and get a copy of Alyssa's CT scan and come by the office and get some paper work. Then we needed to get to LeBonheur Children's Hospital as quickly as possible. Alyssa had too much spinal fluid on her brain and it was putting a lot of pressure on it. I broke down. I kept going, but I broke down inside. My mind left my head. We got to Lebonheur and that is when we found out it had a name, Hydrocephalus. Alyssa had Hydrocephalus. I didn't even know what that was. I had never even heard of it. Now it bothers me so bad that I didn't know. If I had of known more about it then I might have known what to look for earlier. Even now when  I go back and think about it all the signs were there. I know I can't change it now for me, but I want to change it for others. I want to spread awareness for that next child. Alyssa is doing well, but does have Cerebral Palsy. She is a year old now and still can't sit up or crawl and has very little strength in her muscles. But she is amazing. Simply amazing. She makes me laugh when no one can, and has a smile that can light up the room and eyes that can melt your heart. She has had to have another surgery this past week to replace the tubing from her shunt to her ventricles. She came through it with flying colors. I say this now and I will always say this. She is so much stronger than I am already, but I do wish I could take this away from her. I wish it was me and not her. I would do anything for her. She is my precious angel.